My Cantaloupe Obsession

August 26, 2014

I have to admit an obsession and that obsession is making fun of Steve King and his now famous cantaloupe quote.  For all of you who are puzzled about what I am talking about, please take a minute:

There are kids that were brought into this country by their parents unknowing they were breaking the law. And they will say to me and others who defend the rule of law, ‘We have to do something about the 11 million. Some of them are valedictorians.’ Well, my answer to that is…it’s true in some cases, but they aren’t all valedictorians. They weren’t all brought in by their parents. For every one who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there who weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. Those people would be legalized with the same act.

Is the an absolutely perfect stupid quote.  It really has everything.  It has someone who holds an important office stating it in a very serious tone.  Congressman King is not speaking off of the cuff, he is saying this absolutely absurd thing in a calm, composed and rehearsed manner.  This is something he deeply believes, which makes it all the more precious.

In addition to a sincere thought by someone in power (not some whacked out Hollywood star of Sarah Palin), it also contains blatant falsehoods and absurdities.  He doesn’t offer up any support for his 100-1 ratio of valedictorians to drug smugglers, but why would he?  It’s an absurd statement only because there is no way he could come up with such a ratio other than to simply invent it.  Further, he is seeming to either say that these kids are continuously hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert (note: 75 pounds is really heavy) and presumably not getting caught by the Border Patrol because of their super sized calves or they did, at some point haul 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert and that is such tremendous exercise that ones calves are permanently transformed into cantaloupe sized masses of muscles forever.  Either one of those thoughts is absurdly stupid and worthy of continued praise.

The coup de grace, so to speak, is the use of a funny word and that word is cantaloupe.  Cantaloupe is just a funny sounding word and tops off the absurdity and stupidity of his remarks.  There have been a lot of stupid and ignorant remarks made surrounding the immigration debate and there is much more to come, but Steve King’s cantaloupe calves remarks are the clear winner at this point in time.  If anyone else knows of some quote or statement that is more insulting and absurd, let me know.   

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